tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9569695.post114315351170412266..comments2020-05-04T02:43:03.909-07:00Comments on The Red-Winged Blackbird: Ghazal - an amendmentJustinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15477659438699897615noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9569695.post-1143155312616975512006-03-23T15:08:00.000-08:002006-03-23T15:08:00.000-08:00I got the same feeling when I was reading the orig...I got the same feeling when I was reading the original form in couplets, that the repetitions were too close together. <BR/><BR/>But I went and tried one anyways, so here it is. I think there are enough perspectives, though unified in the overall idea, of the repeated phrase to keep the poem somewhat interesting. But I did feel somewhat cramped and restricted by the couplet requirement.<BR/><BR/><B><A>Ghazal</A></B><BR/><BR/>Our dreams are but thoughts of tedious souls<BR/>weighty, wieldy songs of tedious souls;<BR/><BR/>a tree is a tree and birds travel light<BR/>while we live earthbound by tedious souls;<BR/><BR/>the ghost wings of our burnt cigarettes rise<BR/>while on the tree hang our tedious souls;<BR/><BR/>all this repetition! all this chorus!<BR/>drumming along of our tedious souls;<BR/><BR/>so we wait and shuffle and crank our necks<BR/>and watch the movements of tedious souls;<BR/><BR/>There is freedom in love, but none can love<BR/>without the clashing of tedious souls.s.t.liawhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04342881844153056053noreply@blogger.com